I do feel overwhelmed most days, not complaining (just have a full plate).
We have been getting ready for school to start (next week). What happened to summer vacation??? I remember not starting school until almost the end of August. The kids barely got 2 months for summer break (yuck).
This will be Jakes first year of BIG SCHOOL! Been having a pretty hard time with that. I know he will do fine, but I worry about him so much. I dont remember being so worried about Gracie bc I knew she could handle herself, but Jake is still so small. He is smart as a whip and I know in my head that he will be just fine, but the momma in me wants to go with him so I can make sure that he doesnt get lost in the big ole school.
This whole thing with my kids growing up has really been hard. I didnt realize how fast it would all go by.
Gracie starts 5th grade this year. OH MY!! I remember the night that Sam and I decided that we would start trying to grow our family, never dreamed then that I would have 3 children. I remember being in the hospital having this precious baby girl, who at the time we didnt know was a girl. I remember sitting in the tub the night she was born and balling my eyes out at the thought of her growing up, knowing that she wouldnt be a baby forever and that the time that I have to hold her would be limited bc she would be grown in a blink of my eye.
Although she is not technically grown, she is growing up (way to fast). She is slowly going from a baby, to a little girl, to a big girl to a young lady. And IM NOT READY!!!
I found myself watching her the other night as she slept and thinking back to when we brought her home for the first time. Scared out my mind to be a mom for the first time, worried I wouldnt here her when she cried, worried I wouldnt know what to do when she needed something. Crazy things. I remember Sam not sleeping for the first few nights bc everytime she would make a sound, he jumped up to go check on her until finally he put her in the bed with us. (NO THAT DIDNT HAPPEN WITH JAKE AND SOPHIE) he was a pro at sleeping through all of their sounds (haha)
My beautiful little girl is about to be 10 in a little less than a month. Where has time gone!!
Now my sweet little Sassy (as we like to call her). If you had told me a few years ago that I would have another baby I would have looked at you with the thought of throwing a pie in your face. Didnt want any more children. I had finally gotten Gracie and Jake to a point of being self sufficient, they slept late on Saturdays, they could get a bowl of cereal on their own.
Then Sam and I went through a bad spell, didnt see any light at the end of that tunnel, but God is good and He pulled us through and at the end he placed a blessing on us that neither one of us could have imagined!
I was in total denial mode when I began to even think I was pregnant!! This couldnt be happening, not now, my other two children were planned by me and I was mentally ready for all that I knew was to come.
But the Lord had a wonderful plan of his own and in December of last year we were blessed with another beautiful little girl, who looked so much like Jake when she was born, It felt like DEJAVU!!
Couldnt imagine my life without her now. But she is not that little bitty baby that I so wanted to stay small, so I could enjoy every last coo and smile (not the gassy ones), every moment, every little face,all the cuddle time you get when they are so small. She is about to be 7 months old and I dont know what happened to all the time it took to get here.
Then my sweet Granny. Love her to pieces. Yes she can get on my nerves, she is set in her own little ways, she gives my kids anything they want and she at times can be very demanding. But I love her.
I however didnt realize how much my life would change when she came to live with us. Yes I knew it would be an adjustment, but I was ready for that. I however didnt realize that it would be a complete life change.
Going to the grocery store for instance, use to be this run it get what I need and get out. For the record I TOTALLY HATE WALMART. I can go and go and go without every going to Walmart. Before she moved in that is exactly how it was. I would go to the grocery store, I would go by Freds or Family dollar - maybe the occasional Dollar General, but only about once a month would I ever run in Walmart. Not anymore. Going to the store now consist of going to Walmart EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I almost need to take a pill for this trip. There is no RUN IN AND RUN OUT, there is NO LETS GET WHAT WE NEED AND GO, there is no WE DONT REALLY NEED ANYTHING FROM TOWN THIS WEEK, and we are a far cry from LETS JUST RUN IN THE GROCERY STORE AND NOT EVEN GO TO WALMART (what, this would be the end of the world)
Walmart trips usually last anywhere from an hour to and hour and a half (EVERY WEEK) plus if we have to go to the grocery store (BC I will not buy meat at Walmart) then your looking at over 2 hours. Ususally with 3 kids, one of which is a baby and does not like to shop and thinks that she is suppose to be in the bed by 7.
We have tried different days thinking this would shorten the time. We tried Thurday evenings after supper, we have tried Saturday nights thinking that a day at home would prepare me to survive, we tried Saturday mornings but this added a trip to McD's for breakfast (takes even longer bc the kids always wanted to go play and then get mad bc they cant). Currently we are on Friday nights. Which works but only bc I make it.
But I love her and if she gets enjoyment out of going to Walmart then I will try to deal with it and go on. This past week she got sick and was rushed to the hospital. Kinda opened my eyes to the fact that she isnt a spring chicken anymore (82) and that I know her days are numbering down. I could most certainly go before her if God so decided, but age does mean something and I know it is something I cant just ignore.
Though my life at times feels so overwhelmed with work, cleaning, 3 kids, church, a brother who is struggling to get right, a husband, a grandmother, 3 cats, a dog, trying to find a breathing moment and time to myself, I have no regrets and other than WALMART I have no complaints because all the overwhelming feelings are taken away by the overflowing of love that I have for all of them.
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